Morning Routines, Parenting Stress, and What Therapy Taught Me as a CBT Therapist and Mother

Although I completed a Bachelor’s degree in Nursing and all my postgraduate training has been in psychology, most of my clinical work has been with adults and young people aged 16 and above. Children, especially very young children, were not my primary professional focus.

So despite my academic background in development and mental health, I am still very much learning how children actually work, through the lived experience of being a parent.

Many parents of young children struggle with morning routines, emotional meltdowns, and constant rushing before school. These daily stressors can affect not only children’s mood and behaviour, but also parental mental health, anxiety levels, and family relationships.

One of the biggest daily challenges? The morning routine.

The rushing. Getting dressed. Eating breakfast. Making it to school on time. And on some days, coping with extra early-morning school activities.

To be clear, my daughter is only three years old. But as many parents know, modern schooling often starts early, packed with enrichment activities and expectations. Sometimes I joke that my daughter’s school life resembles my dream retirement life: structured, social, creative, and well-supported.

How I Actually Parent: A Therapist’s Honest Experience with Parenting Stress

My parenting approach is a mixture of:

• Intuition

• Painful lessons learned from my therapy clients

• Psychological theory

• Advice from friends and family

• And most importantly, guidance from my business partner Amy

Amy is the only other therapist on our platform, and she has extensive experience working with children, young people, parents, and teachers in both the UK and Hong Kong. I openly admit that her parenting advice is often more up-to-date and evidence-based than mine, and therefore more reliable.

So where do I start?

I have developed my own version of a peaceful, quick, and emotionally survivable morning routine, with one main goal: maximising sleep and preserving everyone’s mood

Using Rewards and Screen Time in Parenting

My method may not work for everyone, and some parents may disagree, but here it is.

I put on 25 minutes of Peppa Pig or other pre-approved cartoons first thing in the morning. My daughter wakes up naturally, without distress. She becomes calm, cooperative, and if I’m honest, slightly puppet-like, allowing me to help her:

• Change clothes

• Brush teeth

• Do her hair

From a psychological perspective, this makes sense. Motivation and reward are powerful, especially for young children whose frontal cortex is still developing. Reasoning, discipline, and long explanations are often ineffective at this age.

When the 25 minutes end, she’s had enough (that's her only screen time throughout the day), and most mornings we leave the house peacefully, no shouting, no tears.

When My Husband Changed the Script: Encouraging Independence in Children

Recently, my husband had more time off work and joined the morning routine and afternoon pick-ups. Because this is rare, our daughter loves his presence.

One day, he told me something interesting.

At nursery pick-up, he noticed most parents were rushing, quickly dressing children, putting on shoes, trying to leave the changing room as fast as possible ('Oh yea, that's me,' I replied). Instead, he decided to slow down. He gave our daughter time and asked her to do everything herself.

At first, she complained and asked for help. He simply sat there and waited.

And eventually, she did it.

This had never happened with me.

So the next day, we picked her up together. I tried to copy his approach. No help. No rescuing. No giving in to tears.

But the moment she saw me, she suddenly couldn’t lift a finger, not even to tighten a shoelace.

My husband gave in and helped her, saying she was probably tired. And yes, she probably was.

But I also knew the truth: this was a habit I had helped create.

Like many parents, I prioritise speed and peace. Who wants a public meltdown in a nursery changing room? Especially when everyone else looks equally exhausted.

But the cost is real. She learned that I will serve her, even when she is capable.

Small Parenting Changes That Reduce Power Struggles

I don’t think I did anything “wrong.” I’m compassionate toward myself. I do most of the heavy lifting during the week. My husband does this once or twice, it’s easier to be patient when you’re not exhausted.

Still, I realised I could make small changes.

This morning, I placed clothes next to my daughter and said:

“After you change, I’ll put on the cartoon.”

She didn’t move. “Mummy helps,” she said slowly.

I remembered Amy’s advice:

If you don’t want to start endless tension, give a clear instruction and walk away.

So I said:

“Change your clothes. Then I’ll put on the cartoon.”

And I left the room.

I checked on her three times (because I’m human). The first two times, still in bed. The third time, completely naked.

Progress.

Five minutes later, she appeared fully dressed, except the cardigan buttons. I took a photo to send my husband as proof that I followed his parenting philosophy.

He was very pleased.

She got a 10-minute cartoon, complained when it ended, and I calmly said:

“If you put on your clothes earlier tomorrow, the cartoon will be longer.”

She stopped complaining.

She understood.

Parenting Transitions: Building Emotional Regulation and Independence

I don’t expect every day to be this smooth. There will be ups and downs.

We are transitioning from:

• Dressing a baby

• Feeding her

• Regulating her emotions and body temperature

To:

• Teaching expectations

• Setting boundaries

• Helping her understand who we are as parents

At the same time, we are learning who she is, her temperament, motivation, limits, strengths, and vulnerabilities.

Sometimes she cries or screams to test boundaries. My husband and I try to give a consistent signal:

• We don’t shout back (we try very hard not to)

• We give her time to do things herself

  
  

Parenting challenges are not about doing things “right or wrong,” but about understanding patterns, motivation, emotional regulation, and consistency. Small adjustments can significantly reduce daily conflict, parental burnout, and child emotional distress.

I am fortunate to work alongside Amy and continue consulting her about parenting challenges, not just as a therapist, but as a mother.

If you’re a parent, what are you struggling with right now? Feel free to leave a comment.

Our mission is to offer Hong Kong parents and families in nearby regions a low-cost, evidence-based alternative to:

• Long public mental health waiting lists

• Expensive private services

  
  

We are UK NHS-trained, Hong Kong-born mental health practitioners, offering evidence-based cognitive behavioural therapy to support:

• Parents struggling with parenting stress

• Parent-child relationship difficulties

• Parents witnessing their children’s emotional or behavioural challenges

  
  

We work online with parents in Hong Kong, the UK, Europe, and overseas, helping families make meaningful, sustainable change together.